Jan. 28th, 2010

thornyrose42: (Default)
Two days ago it was my birthday. I was born at five minutes to midnight on the twenty sixth of January in the year 1990. I have now been on this earth for twenty years, eight hours and forty six minutes. People have been describing this to me in various ways. I'm closer to thirty than I am to ten. When I live I long as I have now I'll be forty. Its only twice ten. I guess it's a glass half full/half empty sort of thing.

Of course I don't feel any different. When I was little I used to say that "When I am five I'm going to be good." And then the next year: "When I am six I'm going to be good." I have not been saying the when I am twenty I am going to be good because I probably won't be but I was thinking that this term I would be a bit more organised than I was last term. This hasn't really happened so far but hey, we can always hope.

I guess I'm thankful. In twenty years I haven't been happy all the time but then again I haven't been constantly sad. I've got issues but then who hasn't? I've managed to grow up fairly alright. Insecure, a bit lazy and too eager to please but basically okay. Up until very recently I still had the tendency to think of myself as a girl but I'm not. I'm not even a teenager any more. I hope that I'll always have bits of the girl I was within me but I've got to stop clinging on to her. I always want to look back to some imagined time when everything was perfect but I can't and don't want to do that any more. I think I can be a young woman instead. It isn't so bad. In fact I'm pretty happy most of the time. I like the woman that I have become.

Yeah I have... deeps.

Anyway my birthday was also good because we found the house that we are going to rent next year. Its an old Victorian Terrace and my room is fairly small but it has all this old furniture and we kind of love it already. We signed for it yesterday. Admittedly I have been having worry dreams about it but I'll get over it.

Also got recalled for my Accidental Death of an Anarchist audition.

Now all I need to do is some work and tidy my room.


thornyrose42: (Default)

April 2010

45 6789 10

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags