City Made of Dreams

I know, I know, I am a lurky lurker who lurks and doesn't let people know when she is still alive.

( Cut for real life stress and Lost spoilers )

Two days ago it was my birthday. I was born at five minutes to midnight on the twenty sixth of January in the year 1990. I have now been on this earth for twenty years, eight hours and forty six minutes. People have been describing this to me in various ways. I'm closer to thirty than I am to ten. When I live I long as I have now I'll be forty. Its only twice ten. I guess it's a glass half full/half empty sort of thing.

Of course I don't feel any different. When I was little I used to say that "When I am five I'm going to be good." And then the next year: "When I am six I'm going to be good." I have not been saying the when I am twenty I am going to be good because I probably won't be but I was thinking that this term I would be a bit more organised than I was last term. This hasn't really happened so far but hey, we can always hope.

I guess I'm thankful. In twenty years I haven't been happy all the time but then again I haven't been constantly sad. I've got issues but then who hasn't? I've managed to grow up fairly alright. Insecure, a bit lazy and too eager to please but basically okay. Up until very recently I still had the tendency to think of myself as a girl but I'm not. I'm not even a teenager any more. I hope that I'll always have bits of the girl I was within me but I've got to stop clinging on to her. I always want to look back to some imagined time when everything was perfect but I can't and don't want to do that any more. I think I can be a young woman instead. It isn't so bad. In fact I'm pretty happy most of the time. I like the woman that I have become.

Yeah I have... deeps.

Anyway my birthday was also good because we found the house that we are going to rent next year. Its an old Victorian Terrace and my room is fairly small but it has all this old furniture and we kind of love it already. We signed for it yesterday. Admittedly I have been having worry dreams about it but I'll get over it.

Also got recalled for my Accidental Death of an Anarchist audition.

Now all I need to do is some work and tidy my room.

It is exam time!

Really, really not yay! So I only have one left but it is Biochemistry which by all rights someone on an English and History course shouldn't be doing. I should just tell them that on the day. "Sorry but I'm not suppose to be here, well I am, but if you just give me a moment to go back in time and tell my slightly younger self NOT TO BE SO BLOODY STUPID then everything will be sorted out and dandy, no? Crap.

All is okay though. I, vaguely, know how to do the Malate-Aspartate shuffle and I have many pretty pieces of paper suffering from an abundance of coloured pens scattered around my room. If I just make the notes look pretty enough they will soak into my brain, that is how it works isn't it? Isn't it?!

The snow has pretty much all gone by now. Just a couple of sad lumps scattered around the halls. For a couple of days though you did risk serious injury if you ventured outside as the was black ice literally everywhere. I walked into uni the other day and, if I hadn't been in exactly the same position, watching everyone walking very, very slowly and then falling over would have been the funniest thing ever. 

Being Human has started!

( Mildly spoilery thoughts )

Well mainly Merlin. First of all I just want to have a small breakdown about the hopefully temporary demise of my laptop. It was being slow and unresponsive and generally pissing about so I gave it a metaphorical boot up the arse by turning it off and turning it back on again. That is how you fix computers after all. Unfortunatly my laptop took issue with this and has decided that it likes the process of waking up so much that it is going to do that again and again and again in a continuous loop without ever actually, to extend the metaphor a tad further, getting the hell out of bed! Seriously I turn it on, it does its loading screen, picture of an apple, circle thing going round, loading, loading, funny "I is dead" noise, blank screen then we are back to the loading screen and the whole thing starts again.

Grrrr!

As you can imagine this has made me very unhappy. Am going to take it to the repair shop down the road that does Mac on Monday but still... why at the weekend laptop? Why?

So I watched Merlin on a friend's laptop and was cheered up at least a little.

( Merlin.... )